Goodbye, 2012

I had a love hate relationship with 2012.  Physically, it was a year of transformation for me.  From Oct. 2011 through December 2012 I lost about 150 pounds.   The holidays were fine in that I was able to stick to low carb with relative ease (couldn’t say the same for 2011, but after doing this for over a year it was much easier this time around).

2012 included a lot I couldn’t control.  Some personal losses/tragedies started piling up around the beginning of summer.  Perhaps the old me would have turned to food for comfort.  But in all honesty, I truly found the most comfort in having something I felt like I was completely in control of – my lifestyle.  No matter what else was going on, I had the safety and peace of mind of my boundaries when it came to food.  I also had an hour a day in the morning in the gym where I could just zone out and work out my stress.  These things suddenly stopped feeling like obligations or chores and became my refuge.

In the past, I always thought of “dieting” as restrictive and confining.  For the first time ever, I have entered a new way of being that is disciplined yet freeing at the same time.  I’m no longer a prisoner in my own body – making excuses not to go out with friends or trying to find ways to get things done with the least amount of effort because it was just too difficult to lug my weight around.

I still have weight to lose.  But I’m healthy and whole and I’m no longer making excuses.  I know others who have lost weight faster than I have.  I’m not in a race.  I’m looking to be healthy.  There are times I get impatient and start wishing I could hurry up and get into a single digit jean size and have a certain body type.  But those are the times that start tempting me to take unhealthy shortcuts (miss a meal, set unrealistic workout goals etc..) so I just redirect to focusing on my health and well-being.  As long as I keep that in focus, I know this is both attainable and sustainable and it’s very realistic that I could be able to stop saying “I still have some weight to lose” by summer.

I remember so many Christmases sitting on an airplane thinking “If I had just stuck with something starting last year, I wouldn’t be sitting here miserable right now.”  Christmas 2012 I sat there without that regret for the first time.

And looking back… it went by in a blink.  I can’t honestly say I’m “thin” .. yet.  I don’t care if I’m ever thin.  I am healthy.  I am getting healthier.  I ran my first 5K with my brothers on 12/29.  I ran the whole thing (slow, but still ran).  The 3 of us crossed the finish line together even though they both could have finished it in less than half the time it took to run it with me.  It is one of my favorite memories.  In October 2011 I could barely walk on a treadmill for 10 minutes at a slow pace.  In December 2012 I RAN a 5K (dressed as batman) with my brothers.  Yes, I know I just said that twice.

Peace,
Christie